My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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