I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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