Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
