i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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