i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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