So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
