Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
