You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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