How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
