I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
