Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
