a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
