apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
