He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
