i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
