It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
