Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize