why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
