Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
