btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
