I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
