Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize