Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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