Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
