I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
