Soap is not a condiment
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
