Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize