Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
