I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
