Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
