Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
