A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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