last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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