Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
