I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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