jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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