I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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