i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
