I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
