its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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