i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
