Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
