does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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