You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
where are my eyebrows?
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