she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
