Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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