u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i think my mom watched the whole time
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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