I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
