i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize