Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
