Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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