my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
