Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
this hospital has no fireball
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
