no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
