Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you win again, gameday.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
