She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
