so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
People in love make me want to vomit
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
