I'm gonna have a badass scar
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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