its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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