the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Acid is not a monday night drug
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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