I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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