i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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