lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
