accomplished twins. life is a go
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
