HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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