I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
