The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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