he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize