I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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