OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
