I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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