Im at strip club and am horny
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize