Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
