Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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