Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
