I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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