He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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