I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
