So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
