the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
