AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
