the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
