I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
