i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
