is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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