I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
