He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
