I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
