Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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