Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We are all done wearing pants today
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
