thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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