A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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