sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
