it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wish my penis had a tongue
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize