This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize