my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
